Random Thoughts

I cannot believe it's already December and almost the end of 2010. I am not sure what happened to this year but it has flown by too quickly. I am in Raleigh for the weekend to catch up with some of my favorite people. I think this is going to be an annual tradition since this same weekend last year I also was in Raleigh staying with these same friends.

I have this de ja vu sort of feeling these days. I was thinking about this past year and the things that were consuming my life last year at this time and it appears that so many of those things are exactly the same. I am not certain if this is a good thing. Some of the same lessons I was struggling to learn last year seem to be the same lessons I am STILL learning now. In all fairness to myself, I think I am handling things better this time around. And I think I have grown up a whole lot this year. But my biggest struggle, still, is loving people well. Or, more correctly, trying to love people well. Relationships of all kinds are incredibly challenging. They seem to show me all sorts of faults and areas I am weak. I am being challenged to constantly become a better person and I don't always like that because it means work. It's hard. And I'm stubborn most of the time.

I am also still fighting off doubt and fears when I need to continue to trust and be patient. Maybe one day I'll figure out that I don't need to be in control. It's best when I am not. And so many things would be much simpler if I realized that I don't always need to try so hard to control circumstances that are well beyond my control. I might actually enjoy life a little more if I weren't trying so hard to make things go my way and just go along for the ride.